The Coat

Greetings.

This morning was something special. Its such a strange story. But I'm so glad it happened to me. I feel alive right now. You just have to read this story.



The Coat

As my mother sped up to catch the light, my green tea and soymilk went flying onto my back pack. I scurried to catch it before it went gushing onto the carpeted van floor.

"Oh, I'm sorry, boo!" she cried.

"It's okay. It wasn't a lot." I said simply.

I swiped at the scant splashes on the back of the book bag. We pulled into the station where my bus waits before beginninig it's returning route to the connector station. I'm so glad we caught it. But they run close together this early in the morning. I glanced at the clock which read 8:45am. The bus was due to pull off at 8:47. I hopped out of the car and grabbed my shaken up tea cup from the cup holder.

"See ya, Ma!" I said closing the door behind me.

I walked over to the bus which rumbled idly at the stop. The driver opened the door for me and greeted me as I scanned my breezecard.

"Morning. It's freezing out here today!" she noted half to herself and halfway conversationally.

"Yeah, it is," I conceded.

I sat close to the back in a window seat and perched my backpack beside me. The bus shivered and grumbled off with a cough of exhaust. I began looking through my Chinese flash cards. I rarely looked up from the characters except whenever a new passenger boarded the bus.

About three or four stop after we left the station, the bus stopped for a single person. It was hard to see whether man or woman until they boarded. It was a woman. She was black, middle aged with short black hard that grayed at the tips. She looked disheveled from afar, but that was normal for public transportation.

As she came toward the back of the bus, more details of her appearance became clear. She only wore a plain black sweat suit, no hood. The sweater and pant set was soiled and smeared with some white material mixed with brown or tan. It looked like paint. Or dirt. Her hair was unkempt; part was falling free from the half ponytail. She carried a medium sized black purse, unzipped. Her skin was like milk chocolate but flecked with some small black moles near the eyes. And her eyes...

Her eyes looked unseeing. They were large, round, and brown. And they were tired. They looked as if she saw things that were not there. Or maybe just things no one else could see. She wore a forlorn, wounded expression on her face, and she would meet no one's glance.

As soon as I saw her I began thinking about how cold she must be. My mother told when we left the house this morning that it may even snow. I shivered for no reason and set down my cards. All my thoughts had turned to her. I pivoted in my seat so that I could see her in my peripheral vision without looking directly at her.

I began thinking about why she would come out of the house this way. It was obviously cold, even if you didn't know it would snow. But perhaps she didn't have a house. And maybe she didn't have a coat. And then my thoughts came to a voice, like a person speaking in my head.

What if I gave her my coat?

But why should I give her my coat? I mean, why should I give her my coat? She wasn't the first person I'd seen in this type of predicament; cold in winter seemingly with no mean to provide for themself. I see them all the time, especailly on the bus. Why do I now all of a sudden feel a need to give this woman my coat?

And now it really did seem like a need. I should do it. I should go back there and just hand it to her.

It fell from my thought for a moment. I started thinking about what I would do with my day. I planned it out in my head. Then my thoughts came to a voice again.

Maybe I could buy another jacket at the campus bookstore, if I gave this one to her...

Where did that come from? Odd. But I could. I very well could do that. I had the money available to me. But this woman probably did not.

An obnoxious looking woman boarded the bus four stops later. She didn't talk loud or curse. She looked as if she had the potential to be obnoxious. A man came on with her. They went and sat right in front of the woman. I suddenly became wary. If I went back there now, I felt like maybe people would think I was trying to put on a show. And I wasn't. They'd probably be nosy and turn around to hear what I was saying or see what I was doing. I got nervous.

I hope she stays on until we get to the station....

The obnoxious woman and man talk to each other. I look down at my hands. I clasp and unclasp them. I put away my Chinese cards which, until now, had been laying abandoned on my backpack. I looked out the window. We would be at the station soon, within minutes. For some reason my heart rate began to pick up and I could hear my breathing trying to stabalize it.

There were many things to take into account, so many  more aspects of the situation I know I ought to scrutinize... So, why aren't I?

Then I made the decision. I don't know when I did. All I remember is the indecision before and minutes later: utter resolution. I knew I would give this woman my coat. It didn't matter why, or if she'd accept, or if the witnesses saw...

I'm going to do this I'm going to do this I'm going to do this I'm going to do this....

I gulped as we pulled into the station. I put my phone in my purse and checked the pockets of the coat. Empty. I zipped my book bag and hoisted it onto my shoulder as the bus wheezed to a stop. I wrapped my knit scarf tightly round my neck and shoulders. Deep breath.

Everyone began exiting the bus. So did I, I saw the woman shuffling through her purse and shifting in her seat. She wasn't going to get off, I realized. She wanted to stay in the heat as long as possible...

The obnoxious woman and her friend got off after me and I held the door. Then I climbed back on and let the doors flap closed behind me. The driver and a passenger were all who lingered in the front chatting quietly. She saw me coming towards her. It's hard to explain her expression. Wary? Weary? One thing I could tell right away as I came to stand right in front of her was; she was not in her right mind. It made my heart leap a little. My insides were quivering.

What if she doesn't even take it? What if she doesn't understand me? What if she'd offended...?

She tried not to look at me until I spoke.

"Are... are you cold?" I asked softly.

Of course she's cold, you idiot!

She seemed to only barely understand the statement, nodding nonattentively and looking away. She began to stand. I backed away to give her room. She looked out the window and slowly went back to her seat. She seemed confused or dazed. She was not very present.

"Do you need a coat?"

She looked me in the face now. Could she trust me, she was asking herself. Or maybe; what was wrong with me. She nodded more openly though. I began to unzip my coat and sit my backpack aside. She looked at my movements and began to frown shaking her head no and looking down and away, as if to say, "Oh, no I can't take your coat. I can't take that..."

"Here you go." I insisted.

She gradually reached out to take the coat. She set it beside her on the chair and continued looking out the window. I leaned forward a little more trying to speak directly to her.

"Be safe," she only nodded nonattentively, "God bless..." I said.

Then I hoisted up my bag and rewrapped my scarf and got off the bus.

The chilll hit me hard. The air was brisk but I wasn't cold. As the wind began to blow I saw tiny flurries fluttering from the clouds. It whipped my scarf into my face and I began to smile. I was not cold. I began to run, remembering I had another bus to catch.

And as I sprinted across the bridge to connector station, the brisk January wind biting my cheeks...

I felt lighter.