I'm so stuck on Childish Gambino right now. I don't know what it is.
Anyways, I got a million questions to answer for Play Analysis and History 1111. But I just wanted to drop by to let you know that I'm still alive.
I'm still alive.
But I've got a dilemma. I don't know I have any faithful readers left; everybody has midterms coming up and a social life to 'claim'. It's not big... but it really is.
I got a situation like this:
Love
Reluctance
Passion
Discipline
Promises
Hearts
Foolishness
Ommitance
Love....?
You get what I mean? I don't really know what's up with me or .... them.... for that matter...
But I guess I should just free fall while I can huh? Before the bottom comes rushing up at me out of the darkness of foolish, selfish... childish.... love....
I leave you with some newfound Gambino.
Ladies don't get carried away... unless you're "very Asian".... for the sake of his "variation"....
I had the honor of being present for a special speaker today. Ms. Barbara Cross relayed her eyewitness account of the tragedy at Sixteenth Street Baptist Church. Four little girls lost their lives in the bombing which took place on September 15, 1963. She was there and her friend died only feet away from her in the blast. She recounted, with tears, the emotions and atmosphere of that era. With many a shaken fist she declared that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was her hero. But she also emphasized the contributions of the "footmen" as she called them who marched by his side.
Her words, the varying venom and fervency of her voice, provoked me to tears towards the end. Her passion for the mission of telling this story moved every person present. I have been inspired to write a monologue, in hopes of performing it one day, based on the thought process and values of her presentation. I'd like one day to present it to her. I did get a chance to tell her personally that her words, her presence there today had inspired me. But I don't think she truly understood. Still teary eyed, and vaguely passionate from the ending of her speech, she thanked me with many a shaky hugs. But I'm almost certain that she had no clue as to what she had planted in me today. This afternoon I began to think. And I began to formulate this speech.
The Non-Violence Gene
I often wonder about the past. No, not in a vague broad sense. I mean about the past of my race, of African Americans.
Update:
I've decided not to post this piece because it's too important and I recognize the potential it has for greatness. In other words, I don't want someone stealing it. ;)
I had a pretty good day. I wouldn't say productive. But anyway, it was good. I enjoyed myself. Got some Chinese in my brain, which makes me happy. I got some Play Analysis questions done, which makes me a little happy.
But you know what makes me even more happy?
Somebody really nice. A really nice person.
And that's all I'm allowing myself to say. You'll never know who it is. I'll never tell.
But this poem is dedicated to them:
You Are The Only One That Could Be
it's not complicated
and yet it is.
rainy nights and late drives
remind me of this.
it's my fault sometimes,
but then its yours.
my favorite moment is when
you stole me from my chores.
you make it easy.
this life is better
when we're together.
Inspiration/Reason
This person.
Closing/Future
In closing, I hope I can spend some more time with this person without crossing the awkward line. They really are the bestest. I love their awesomeness. They make me smile when I say their name aloud or in my head. And for some reason in the future, I hope that I don't find anyone else.... sometimes.
So, I've got beef. Not that kind, you know the kind where you have an issue with someone...
I don't know how someone coined that phrase. And then it just took off...?
Maybe one day somebody had a really good corned beef sandwich and somebody stole it from them and they started fighting. And so now whenever someone has a problem with somebody else they go "Oh, you got beef?"
Maybe that's what happened, huh?
But anyways. I have a 'peev. I work as a secretary temp for a program at my school, right? Right. So I'm sitting at this desk that I have to sit at, and everyone who comes in the office has to go by me first. So I see everybody. Just to be clear. And not only when they come in... because there's only one entrance/exit. I see them coming in and going out. It's like almost annoying... but then it gets pushed over the line when somebody
won't name names....
Stays to keep talking to you. They find something to say, some conversation to start, some dumb question to ask so they can tarry at the desk a little longer than the average normal person. I don't dislike most of these weirdos. Some of them are funny and endearing, and then some of them just annoy the heck out of me.
And then it comes down to the flirts. It's so hard to keep a straight face sometimes. I just have to pretend I'm apart of the conversation and not laughing beneath my breath, and rolling on the floor cracking up in my mind.
Little subtle things, like comments and questions....
Sometimes it all just leaves me wondering how people see me. Do I really look stupid? Or gullible? Do I look like I'd fall for the next klutz to walk in the office.... ? Really. Honestly people. I don't know. Sometimes I just don't know.
Amongst some of the verbal fodder is:
"dosh..." wtf?
I tried not to over think it... I forgot the context in which the person used it....
But I couldn't stop laughing.
I try to be quietly intelligent. You know, like the kind of person that's only smart if you ask them a question. Otherwise, they're just quiet. And pretty. Like me.
Anywho.
I've got no poetry for you :( Sadly. But I am happy to say that I've found a new artist who has blown my frickin' mind. He's not new, but he's new to my ears. And my sister will probably take credit for him in my musical life, but who cares. He awesome. He's kinda cute too...
Donald Glover A.K.A. Childish Gambino
Sit back relax and let him blow your mind as well. ;)
Zai Jian
P.S.
From some of his lyrics I can tell that this guy probably has an Asian fetish. And in my mind I'm like, "I look blackanese..."
Today was a pretty good day. I've taken to dressing differently. I don't know if I've already remarked on that. But it makes me carry myself differently. I like the change. I take more pride in what I wear and how I look. I hope it evolves into something even better. :D
Random Poem Time! XD
Every Time My Flesh Wants To Sin
My soul cries,
anguish seizes the heart,
pale guilt, aforethought neglected;
daggers drag down my spirit,
hammer her to the wall,
nails pierce deep into the flesh from her tiny hands;
beseechingly
her garments are ripped,
torn in faith ridden tears,
weary with use, laden with liquid, full of hope,
yet ignored, mistreated, mislead, forsaken, forgotten,
papery thin like whimsical fabric blown to bits in t he bitter winds of excessive passion
that whips and whirls the reason of dedicated minds, shattering it to shards
piercing the bled heart.
I don't want to sin.
Reason/Inspiration
There was a sporadic moment of inspired thought I had today in the library. Don't know where it came from, but I'm sure glad of something to type today! Because I'm so tired of not keeping my word! :S
Closing/Future
In closing, I'm so happy that I made myself write this post. I'm so glad that I wrote that poem too. In the future, I will strive to continue to keep my word to you all! Please forgive me in advance if I don't!!!!
Zai Jian
P.S.
Pray that I find some time to start practicing my Chinese and soon return to my guru status of the language that I love.... :D
I hereby present a Formal Apology for missing a week of blogging. I'm sorry okay. There I said it. Don't be mad. I was in a crunch. Like literally. I had to crunch my homework into my life because all of my other time was taken up by Tech work on Canterbury Tales at school. But the show ended Sunday. So,
I'M FREE!
And I've officially passed [with flying colors I might add] my Theater Practicum class with Mr. Post. He's a good guy. I like him. He's always helping.
In other news:
I am dressing better because of my newly 'reacquired' job at the office.
I had the most wonderful afternoon today just laying back and watching nature. I got all my work in on time for Play Analysis today. That put me in a good mood. And then the weather put me in an even better one.
Spring Afternoon
The cool concrete beneath me scratches against my jeans. A soft breeze stirs the thick green leaves of the Magnolia tree overhead. The clouds were reminiscent of stretched cotton balls. They moved swiftly across the bright Egyptian blue sky. The smell of leaves and damp soil blew around my head as I clutched the tiny, musty book to my chest. It's pages were yellowing and smelled as though it hadn't been opened in forever. The sun shimmered through the branches like a diamond perched in the leaves. The bands and lines of light radiated from that tiny, yet excruciatingly bright point, pulsing outward in white-yellow and faded green. The clouds morphed constantly, blowing away almost completely until only tiny smears of tissue paper like fragments remained. They resembled faint white little flames dancing over the light shade of cerulean. Then the clouds dwindled even more until they seemed as pale light cast on rippling water. The tree swayed with musical grace in the moderate breeze. Such a peaceful state until suddenly a drill began to crack at the roofing of the building behind which I hid.
It's ironic that I have just enough time to type this. I don't remember what I was going to say..... to be honest. I have to skip out on Act I of the play for my Astronomy Lab class at 7pm. But I'm hoping I'll be out early so I can get back in time for Act II. I'm tired. But thank goodness I'm not hungry or unhappy. There's a lot to be thankful for right now. And I would make a list if I could make my fingers type anymore than this...
